What I've learned from the past few months

I'm home for the holidays and, as always happens on these breaks, I am in a very philosophical mood. So, I decided to write a little and see what became of it.

I haven't written--at least in this blog--for a very long time, so I think a summary of things I've learned over the past few months is in order. I may expand upon each point later, but for now I'd like to simply enumerate with brief descriptions major thoughts I've had. They've all been fueled by major events in my life. If you choose, you may easily divulge what they may have been from their content.

I was asked recently what love meant to me. After a minute of thought, pouring over tired responses about dedication and sacrifice in my mind, I gave the following, honest response: I am a rationalist. I analyze ideas down to their roots. I look at them from different perspectives to gain an appreciation for how others view them and to gain new insights. I break them into their logical pieces until I possess cold, static blueprints of their workings, then I file them away until I need them to analyze other ideas. However, love is not something that I wish to subject to reason. I stubbornly refuse to define it. Love is something so intrinsic to human nature that it coexists in the hierarchy of the human being at the same level as intellect. No matter our mental faculties, we simply can't hope to understand something at so basic a level. I love, and am loved, and nothing can make me happier than this.

The greatest moments in my life have occurred during times of flux. Starting graduate school, making the conscious decision to be happy, the passing of my mom. Great moments are born when I am pushed by external circumstances to be great. Sometimes these circumstances are beyond my control, but often I possess the ability to place myself in the position to take advantage of the energy that change provides. For this reason, I don't foresee working in the same career or living in the same place for the remainder of my life.

On a related topic, I've recognized the ill effects of being in the same situation for so long. Graduate school is starting to wear on me. I think very little on the news, on philosophy, or things beyond science and optics since my thought is dominated by school. Most of my time is spent in the lab or in the office, often out of guilt for not having achieved as much the day before. My mental math skills aren't as sharp. I have more difficulties following conversations with friends. I need a change in my life to reinvigorate me. Finishing graduate school is a priority, but I don't want to slip further from my universalistic thoughts to achieve it. I'm very much looking forward to big changes in my near future. For now I must endure my current situation.

I think this is enough writing for now. My thoughts are starting to wander and I am losing focus. I am glad I managed to form these thoughts into words. I'll revisit them in the near future and hopefully act upon them accordingly.